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15 February 2006 @ 09:23 am
it has been a loooong time since i last updated. wow.

i am feeling a desperate need for a mental health day from work. seriously. i love my job, but it can be quite mentally taxing, and i am getting to the point where the weekends just aren't enough. i still have to do STUFF on the weekends. i need a day - just ONE day - to have my own agenda, do absolutely only what i feel like doing. unfortunately, that's not how things work at the lowell WIC program. my supervisors couldn't care less about our mental health. they want us there for the numbers because if they are under-staffed, things kind of suck. however, i think i will talk to lissa (senior nutritionist) about it today. given my history with depression and all that fun stuff, i can honestly say that i am feeling myself on the brink of a big fall mental-healthwise. and that won't be good for anyone. we'll see whether or not i have the balls to bring it up. i doubt it, but maybe.

in other news: i have developed quite the crush on this kid who lives up the road from me. the scoop: he grew up in my town, went to the same schools, etc. as me, but is 4 years my senior, so i never knew him before he messaged me on myspace (lame, maybe, but i've met a handful of my very good friends via some facet of the internet, so whatever). anyway, he has a girlfriend. i only know this because of his myspace profile. we have hung out 4 times and have been talking since before christmas time through myspace, im, and talking on the phone. not ONCE has he mentioned his girlfriend to me. not that that means anything. though the two times we went out for drinks/dinner, HE paid. so i don't know. i am trying not to let myself get too smitten, but so far, i'm really not having much success.
Also: Asim = asspain. Seriously. It has now been over two years since we broke up, and he is still getting upset with me if I don't call him all the time? I understand we are still good friends, but i sometimes just don't feel like i want to talk to him. does that make me a bad friend? apparently. apparently it also makes me selfish. "if you're going to put me on the back burner, i will do the same to you." that's what he told me. i love the guy, but i don't need to hear that. and i don't need to feel guilty for not calling him every single time i have a spare second. so i'm not going to feel guilty, not matter how hard he tries to make me feel that way. go me.
08 January 2006 @ 09:53 am
Where to start...Let's go with Wednesday.

Wednesday: My first day of new staff training down in Framingham (even though I've now been with WIC for about a month and a half). A long commute and one I am glad I don't have to make every day. It took me 30 minutes to drive SIX miles on Rt. 9. Ridiculous. Training was fine. I have yet to meet someone within the MA WIC program that I dislike. Got done at about 3:30 and went to the parking lot to find that I had left my headlights on and my battery was dead. Fortunately a kind gentleman at an engineering firm in the building helped get my car going again.

Thursday: Day 2 of training and my grandfather's wake. Drove up with my dad and my car got a flat tire about 1 mile from my house. Fortunately, we pulled over at the house of a kid I grew up with, so his dad drove my dad and I back to my house. We then took my dad's car to the funeral home...my dad's car, with a muffler that had fallen off the day before (and my dad somehow temporarily rigged back on). So, the car ride there was deafening (due to the muffler) and I was frozen by the end of it (due to my father's insistence that we crack the windows in order to avoid death by carbon monoxide-induced car crash). The wake was busy. Lots of people there I didn't know. Good to see family I haven't in a while.

Friday: Grandpa's funeral. My mom's cousin David lead the service, and it was quite touching. My uncle Leo said it was the nicest funeral he's been to (if funerals can be called "nice"...) because it had such a personal touch. A couple of my aunts shared some words. My aunt Sara put together a very nice couple pages. I'm still not used to the fact that he's gone, but I feel incredibly lucky to have had him in my life while I did. In the PM I went over to Katie and Mikes. Exchanged some gifts, got some dinner and played several games of Mario Cart. I know I should probably be all anti-video games, considering my profession and what-not, but Mario Cart is fun (even though I kind of suck at it).

Saturday: Worked from 9-1, went to Synergy for a bit, then spent the evening at my Aunt Martha and Uncle Leo's place watching the Pats game with them and my parents. I heard stories about my [late] Uncle Will, who apparently used to grow marijuana in his gardens. I also learned that when my mom was in college and worked at the UNH library, she and another girl she worked with would empty the tobacco from cigarettes and fill them with weed, and then proceed to work while they were high.

Overall, it's been a hectic week. However, I love that I have such a large family, and I have enjoyed spending all this time with them, even though it has been due to unfortunate circumstances. Everything that's happened the past several days has helped me put things in perspective. Hopefully it'll last.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: august - rilo kiley
05 January 2006 @ 04:40 pm
Alvah Hubner
NORTHWOOD — Alvah Godfrey Hubner, 89, of Bow Lake Road, died on Monday, Jan. 2, 2005, at his residence.

He was born on July 18, 1916, in New Brunswick, N.J., the son of George Christopher and Constance (Rullman) Hubner.

He worked as a mechanical draftsman for GE Aircraft Engines in Lynn, Mass., in the meter department at the GE plant in Somersworth, and later for Moore Business Forms in Dover, retiring in 1981. He was an avid gardener and loved to fish. He was a Mason, member of the Morrison Lodge, having received his 40-year award in 2004. He was also a member of the Order Of Eastern Star, Crescent Chapter 45.

He is survived by his sons, John Gleason Hubner and wife, Corinne, and Mark Douglas Hubner; his stepson, John Gallant and wife, Debbie; his daughters, Virginia Zinkowski and husband, Kim, Sara Hubner, Anne Blais, Constance Bellemer and husband, Charlie, Martha Alie and husband, Leo, and Emily Joyce and husband, Jon; his sister, Constance Augusta Stilwell; 21 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.

He was predeceased by his two wives, Helen Derbyshire Denton and Ruth Graves Gallant and by his son, William Henry Theodore Hubner.

I still can't believe I'll never hear him ask me about "Ohoho" again...
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
02 January 2006 @ 04:18 pm
He's gone.

Current Mood: sadsad
30 December 2005 @ 07:24 pm
Just got home to the news that my grandfather is very likely to die any day now.
My mom and aunts and some cousins have been over there the past couple days. My mom said he's declined drastically just from yesterday to today.
I think I'm going to go over with my mom tomorrow. I want to go...but not really, only because I know it's going to be so sad.
Current Mood: sadsad
27 December 2005 @ 08:16 pm
Lately I've been getting the urge to just drive. For a long time. Usually it hits me when I'm on my way to work. I start wishing I had the time (or the balls) to just drive right past Exit 35C and keep going. Where, I'm not sure. Just somewhere. I think all the 10 hour drives between home and Cleveland made me appreciate being in a car for that long. It's good contemplation time.
What's weird is that I don't really have anywhere I want to go. When I was still at Case, any time I had to take 90E somewhere, I always wished I could just keep going - all the way home, back to NH. Or if I was on 71S, I'd be tempted to just head on down to Columbus. But now I'm home, so there's no where else to be really. I kind of just want to drive and see where I end up. I'm not even really sure which direction I'd head in. I guess I'd just figure that out as I went along.
I just wish I had the time and the money to drive my sad little car anywhere it wanted to take me. I think maybe Vermont or California. San Diego. Or maybe Portland, OR. Who knows. I just feel like I want to go on adventure.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: lola stars and stripes - the stills
22 December 2005 @ 06:23 pm
I've been so stressed lately.
I want so badly to enjoy this time of year, but I'm having a difficult time.
So much to get done.
I feel like my life is controlling me right now. It makes me stressed and sad and depressed. Everything I should not be feeling this time of year.
I just need to go run as hard as I can until I fall over.

Asim gets in to Logan tonight at 9. Maybe having him here will lift my spirits a bit.
Current Mood: blahblah
10 December 2005 @ 06:53 am
Yesterday was a bit chaotic. Twelve plus inches of snowfall in several hours can do that.

It took me close to an hour and ten minutes to get to work - a commute that typically takes about 40 minutes. The fact that I had to go into work at all seemed kind of ridiculous to me, but apparently Community Teamwork, Inc. (the umbrella agency that WIC falls under in Lowell) doesn't value the lives of their employees all that much. Even more unbelievable/disgusting is that people actually came into WIC at all yesterday. Fridays are walk-in days for us - no scheduled appointments are ever made on Fridays. That means people left their homes and traveled in some of the worst weather I have seen in ages of their own free will. And some of these people were in NO CONDITION to be there at all. For instance: the 38-week prenatal client who had just come from the hospital where she had been due to lower abdominal pain (turned out to be caused by the fact that the fetus' position in her uterus was getting lower). The woman could barely walk, but she decided she might as well come in and get certified "to get the ball rolling" before the baby came. Right. And what was wrong with the first 37 weeks of your pregnancy that prevented you from coming in sooner? Another couple came in for a new baby cert. They thought nothing of bringing their days-old newborn out in freezing weather and white-out conditions. Hello people. Let's try to be a tad less moronic here. And some work on our planning ahead skills may be of some value as well.

Anyway, about a third of us who work there commute from NH, and we (along with everyone else) wanted to get out of there early because we didn't want to be driving home when it was dark. CTI was being completely ridiculous and finally let us close down at 2 (even though both of my boss' bosses were "working from home" that day. Lucky them.) By the time we got all the computers shut down and all of the end-of-day stuff done, it was 2:30. By the time we had all freed our cars from the parking lot (which, by the way, had been plowed ONCE during the course of the day and which we pay $45 each every month to park in), it was almost 4PM. I wax forced to leave my car in the lot over night, as its shitty tired were just NOT going to make it out of the lot, despite the fact that there were a good 5 or 6 people trying to push it. One of the Kims (who lives in a nearby town) drove me home. We left the parking lot at ten of four, stopped for some hot cocoa before getting on the highway, and then averaged about 10-15 mph on an UN-PLOWED 495 (nice, I know). By the time I got home, it was almost 6, and my driveway had not been cleared yet, so I trudged through the knee-deep snow to actually get to my house. All in all, it was a bit of a fiasco.

It kind of interferes with the plans I had had for today. I'll have to reschedule my oil change, since there's no way I'll be able to go pick my car up and be to Stratham in time for my 8 AM oil change. There are about a million and one errands I need to get done, so who knows how that'll go. My mom is bringing her car up to Portsmouth for an oil change, so I think I'll just bum a ride with her and try to get some errands done while we're up there. Unfortunately, I was planning on picking up her Christmas gift, so I guess it'll have to wait until a later date.

I talked to Erycka (friend from Case) briefly last night and made vague plans for New Year's Eve. It looks like this'll be the second year in a row that I don't spend the night at home with my parents, bored out of my mind. Chances are we'll head into Boston for the night, which will be a blast. Finally, something to look forward to.
Current Mood: crappycongested
Current Music: Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
08 December 2005 @ 07:40 pm
It seems as though I have caught the "inaugural WIC sickness", or so Lissa (the senior nutritionist at work) put it. I went to bed Tuesday night feeling completely fine. Wednesday I woke up with an enormous headache that lasted all day long (despite taking Aleve and aspirin a few times), a sore and swollen throat, nausea and dizziness. I toughed it out and went to work, mainly because I would feel bad calling in sick when I haven't even been there a month yet. Today hasn't been much better. My throat isn't quite as sore any more...instead, it's all moved up to my head, so I'm insanely congested and my head feels like it's just filled with nastiness. Of course, it certainly didn't help that I only slept 5 or so hours last night. Hopefully tonight I'll actually get in a few more hours and wake up feeling a bit better in the morning.

Not a whole lot of excitement in my life at the moment. There are some other things I could probably write about that might be vaguely interesting. Unfortunately, I don't have the motivation to write any more right now, so it'll have to wait.
Current Mood: sickphlegmy
05 December 2005 @ 07:39 am

Time once again for the inevitable crash.
I fear it every time, but I have yet to find a way to fight it off.

Current Mood: sadsad